Seven weeks to somehow earn enough money to cover seven months of back rent. The debts I accumulated had totaled over 900 gold. Half the city was a wasteland thanks to the scourge, and my trading card shop with it. I once did a booming business in fantasy cardgames, where anyone could be a hero- for the right price. All that was lost now.

I carefully slipped on my gloves, making sure each finger was snuggly in place before unlocking, relocking, reentering, double checking the bolts, then relocking my apartment. One could never be too careful. Time to head on down and talk with the man holding the giant, double bladed sword- er... sword-staff ...ah- the pointy thing.

"I-I hear you give out jobs to-to citizens of Silverm-moon."

The guardsman looked away from the area of space he was blankly staring at and smiled cheerfully. "You heard right citizen!"

"Well ah- I could use one. I-I mean, an easy one. Give me er- the most basic job you have, s-s-omething you'd give to s-someone completely new to ah- helping out here city."

The guardsman seemed thoughtful for a moment and consulted with his partner across from him. They were talking for what I deemed an utterly unacceptable period of time, but beggars couldn't be choosers, so patiently I waited. Did I remember to lock my apartment? Finally, the cheerful red guardsman returned and informed me that the easiest, most basic job they had available involved the "perfectly harmless" mana wurms found all along the edges of the city. All I had to do was coax some arcane silver from them.

They're actually, kinda cute. I'd never want one as a pet of course. Who knows what sorts of germs they might carry. Still, they were lovely to watch and good tempered. "Hey there, little guy-"

Oh gods-

The man clearly did not realize what sort of peril he had inadvertently put me in!

I returned back to Silvermoon square with only one of the six shards of arcane silver in tow, and a terrible, festering, gaping wound on my arm. I shoved the shard of silver under the guardsman's nose and glared up at him. The fellow smiled cheerfully. "That's one. We'll need 5 more please and you'll have your reward."

5 more chances to die? No thanks. "I can't do that. Look, just give me 1/6 of the reward money."

The big fellow's face broke into that annoyingly cheerful smile once more. "Actually, we give adventurers this really keen cloak for completing this task."

"Look! Just look what tho- those monsters did to me!"

He blinked a few times and looked me up and down. "I don't see a problem."

The man was blind!

I shoved my arm in front of his face and sighed. "Look, here. -does it look infected to you? It looks awfully infected to me. I mean, the germs it could have b-been carrying- who knows where it's b-been!"

"Hmmm?" He peered closer. "That's just a little scratch, no cause for concern-"

"ICOULDHAVEDIED!!!!!!" I snatched my arm back and tugged the sleeve back down, covering my wound so I would not have to review the terrors inflicted on my person. "Look here, I-I need another job. One that pays money." Mana wurms. Ha! He'd just as well have sent me into the maw of a springpaw lynx. This next job would be better-

No, he did not just-

I cleared my throat and carefully looked at the ground. "Don't you have any j-jobs that don't involve slaying and/or interacting with deadly monsters?"

The guardsman smiled cheerfully. "Nope! No, that's pretty much all we do!"

-Christmas.